*British at Heart*

Archive 12

May 2005

Sunday - May 29, 2005 - New Layout...

Not too bad, eh? I think it isnt too bad, at least right now anyway. I need to still tweak it a bit, fudge with it.

Time for homework however, I should start it since I havent done anything since school on Wednesday, at least only a 4 day week, then one week and then 4 days of exams, yes! No more school, ahh! lol (sick)

Ashley thought you were the one @8:49 PM

Wednesday - May 18, 2005

No more personal entries, I've decided to keep those on paper from now on, back where they were meant to be.

Not much to say tonight, time to go work on the english paper, fun times. (bored)

Ashley thought you were the one @9:57 PM

Tuesday - May 17, 2005 - More Bitching...

I should be working on my English paper, but I have to some ranting before I start.

It seems like Cady (and Ashley as well probably) are pissed at me for, quote, here is what she said when I asked whats wrong: "i think the question is do you have a problem with ME considering youre always telling me to come to your face and youre hiding the way you feel about everyone"
"well we dont appreciate you posting online entries with our real names behind our backs. you dont need to analyze everyone publicly and say wwhats wrong with us" so I am guessing they don't like this journal. Well, no one really has the link to it, or at least I dont think they do. I ll just stop mentioning it in my lj. If they have the link, well then I dont really care. This is an online journal for me. If they dont like what it says, dont read it, you know.
This is a like a diary, if I analyze you, its not because I want to pick you apart and eat you up, its just because I get frustrated myself. This is a way for me to sort out all my emotions and thoughts.
I seriously give up trying to explain anything to them. I dont think they will ever understand. Not that theyre stupid, not in any way. Not that Im going on the whole "no one understands me" pity cry. Its more that they are just totally different people and they wouldnt understand the way I think and personally I dont feel like explaining. Sarah and Kate barely grasp me and I talk to them 24/7. Brice is one of the few ppl I can see on my level, though I dont know, Im just being weird now.

I appreciate Chelsea's comment. "hey ashley.. look i know things are crazy now, with cady and ashley and me and you and i'm not sure whats going on. i'm sorry if i've been a bitch. i dont mean to be, and im trying to NOT be one, okay? and if you're mad i understand"
It kind of sums up everything of recent occurence. track has been a bitch lately.

Time to get off really, I've had enough bitching. Things are at least out on the table between the track idiots (including myself). Im definitly ready for the summer and to get past all this gay drama at track and between everyone else at school. it is more than annoying and I am so past it.
heopefully people will grow up before Junior year. Including myself, I am ready for some maturity in that aspect. (predatory)

Ashley loved you all the way @7:25 PM

(LiveJounral posting)
I want to make an icon, though I doubt I will get to it. I really need to go work on my English paper, though I have no idea what Im going to write, its pretty funny actually. I give up in that class. I was so surprised I got a commendation. Now Im just failing Chem, I actually have a D at the moment, very sad. Time to pick it up

Todds so gay, he want at practice. we got nothing done, as usual. Ill probably throw like crap at the frosh-soph meet like I did in the spring, no surprise there. (cynical)

Ashley loved you all the way @7:30 PM

Monday - May 16, 2005 - Track Idiots...

Today was going pretty well, even track. Then those idiots had to be themselves of course. I think Joe got fed up with it too. He made a comment to Karl, which Karl refused to tell Chelsea and Ashley. I think he did it for their own good because I have the feeling the comment was uncomplimentary.

Appetizer: Whose intelligence do you find intimidating? Brice usually, though I can sometimes decipher him. Zim just amazes me because you wouldnt think he would be smart...at all
Soup: Name something you've done that surprised yourself. Done well in school, lol. I didnt look too bad in our video, and you could actually hear me talk, sometimes
Salad: List 3 people whom you have only "met" online, but consider good friends.The only person I know singly from online is matt from Sauken, hes a cool kid, though sadly I don't talk with him much anymore.
Main Course: Where is the dirtiest place you've ever been? Amsterdam, it was pretty bad, guys were peeing in the street, kinda scary too
Dessert: What is the best example of "perfection" that you can think of? I cant think of any person, food, that dessert at Mormon's in Philly where I went with laura; book...a hard one

I better be getting off, I have to go write my English paper and work on my math. I really wish sophomores were exempt from exams, it would help me so much and ease my nerves a bit. (rejected)

Ashley loved you all the way @6:17 PM

Monday - May 9, 2005 - I Hate People...

Here in my real blog I feel it is safe to describe what this is really about.
Cady and Chelsea just really pissed me off. I dont often get this angry at people, it is very rare. There are few people I can recall being this angry at besides maybe Stacey. Just in the moment actually, but it is still really annoying.
I understand that I probably come off as a bitch sometimes, everyone does. I don't do it intentionally, but if I do, come out and fucking tell me. DOn't dwell on it behind my back and only make it worse. I don't know if Im doing somehting wrong if you don't tell me. We're in high school, not middle school.
I never thought I was better than them. Yea, sometimes I throw better than them, okay, thats just in the numbers. Id be damned ashamed if I didn't throw better than them, especially at discus. I put a lot more time, and sometimes effort, into it than they do by far.
I still dont think I'm better than them, they all have more natural talent than I do. I may be a bit smarter than them, or really just in smarter classes than anything else. They all look a lot nicer than I do. Im sure Im just as bitchy and annoying, if not more so, than they are. They all are much more outgoing, popular, etc than I am. In no way do I consider myself above them as Cady directly accused me today.
I didn't bother to explain because it would have only ....

Sunday - May 8, 2005 - Seems like just yesterday...

You were a part of me... I love that song, can't get it out of my head now.
Today kinda sucked, but oh well I suppose, you have to take the good with the bad. A lot of retrospection, unfortunatly I was not able to get any of it down, a real shame.
I have to go work on grammar, and chem, and maybe think about my newspaper article(s). Hopefully Ms. Patterson will let me hand them in on Wednesday or Thursday to give me some extra time cuz I have no idea how I will get them done for Tuesday with grammar, history, english, and chem especially. wish me luck. (pensive)

Ashley loved you all the way @9:56 PM

Saturday - May 7, 2005 - Just F***in Deal...

(I dont like to curse, not intentionally anyway, I only do it involuntarily when I am really angry)

Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me
I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong

Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I’m barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything, opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright, for once in my life
Now all that’s left of me is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside

Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I’m barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me, then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you, it kills me now
No, I don’t cry on the outside anymore
Anymore

Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Yea, Im so tried of everything right now. I was really excited for tonight, and it just ended up being one big disappointment and let down for me. I have so much freakin homework it isn't funny.
I want to ask Karl about reffing, but he never answers me online anymore so I just end up feeling like a stalker.

Appetizer: Name a store or restaurant you no longer visit because of a bad experience you had there. I cant think of any off the top of my head, I never really avoid stores or anything
Soup: If you could own any building in existence, which one would you want? If I had the money to maintain it, definitly a castle. Maybe Windsor, Hever or one on the British Mainlaind. They are so romantic, scenic, open, and peaceful. How could you not want one.
Salad: What's your favorite commercial these days? cant think of any recent ones, the serta sheep ones are funny
Main Course: When was the last time you felt guilty about spending money, and what was it you purchased? Everytime I spend money, lol, I just bought some books at Barnes and Noble last night.
Dessert: Friday's Feast is going to be having it's First Birthday in 2 weeks. What should we do to celebrate? Have questions about brithdays, some nostalgic theme to the site or something

Im so worn out, Im going to see if I can write a newspaper article or something like that. I give up, I dont even feel like thinking or writing anymore. I hate schoolwork, really, everything is pissing me off right now. why cant life just be damn simple??(crappy)

Ashley loved you all the way @12:46 AM

Thursday - May 5, 2005 - Worn out...

I'm so tired. I was so worn out at track, I had absolutly no energy. It really showed too, my throws were horrible. Then we lifted which invigorated me a little bit, but I am still dead.

Appetizer: Which keys do you have on your key chain? my house key and that is about it
Soup: What is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done? hm, stay over a friends house when they asked me that night while we were out, lol, sad right. I cant think of anything else, Im pretty organized
Salad: Who is the best cook in your family? Dan, considering he is a chef, and he really is a part of the family, he does more than my mom at this point. Hes amazing, I love his food, thats why Im so fat,lol
Main Course: If you were to write a "how-to" book, what would the title be? How to be bad at everything you do,lol, I dont know how to do anything, let alone exlpain it to other people.
Dessert: Name a recent fad you've tried. ...I don't really follow the whole fads thing, I bought wedges but that is only because I love them myself, especially seeing them in the Notebook.

I give up, I really need to go do my homework, I have enough of it to keep me occupied for quite a while. Going to try and put some sort of layout on my blog, who knows, cya later..

Ashley loved you all the way @7:35 PM

Tuesday - May 3, 2005 - Toddmund...

I can't believe Todd is leaving. I refuse to believe it, he can't. Seriously, he is one of the best things about track, what are we going to do without him? Have you seen practice when he isn't there, yea, talk about a waste of time. I still don't know how to throw, I need someone, him especially to guide me. He just can't.
The meet went okay, my disc wasn't that great because I just learned the spin. Shot I did mediocore, 26, my average. Todd cannot leave, I refuse to let him, I was just trying to convice him again. Hes never going to hear the end of it now.
Yea, Im pretty bored, cya later. (depressed -and annoyed)