Archive 8...

January 2005
Monday, January 24, 2005 - (snow day *cross your fingers*)
Appetizer - What is one quality you really admire about yourself?None really, but if I had to choose I would say my somewhat good intelligence.
Soup - What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? Shampoo-herbal essences, the rainforst kind for uplifting(lol) conditioner-pantene pro-v for smooth hair
Salad - Describe your favorite movie scene. You know, the one that just gets to you every time you watch it. specific ones I would say are in Pearl Harbor, where Danny (Josh Hartnett dies) or in Moulin Rouge when they sing Come What May during the performance or lastly in Return of the King when they talk about the end of all things and Sam talks about Rosie.
Main Course - If you were a veggie, which one would you be, and why?veggie, hmm..interesting..don't really like veggies, but.. let's say broccoli, becuase I like it and I have a big head just like it, lol, j/k
Dessert - If you could take a weekend trip within 100 miles of your current residence, where would you like to go?New York City and see Phantom of the Opera

Nice weekend for relaxation. I went and saw the Aviator with Kate, weirdest movie I have quite possibly ever seen, not horribly bad though. Friday's unfortunatly closed early because of the snow (us not getting out until late because the move was over 3 hours missed it). We went looking for Cotillion dresses today, not much luck. We had the most luck at Strawbridges, I might go back later, i really want to check out loehman's though, they always have nice stuff and for great prices too.
I need to sketch some ideas of dresses I would like. These are the times where I really hate being so big because I really don't look good in anything. I need to seriously watch what I eat, but more importantly start working out. Track, I'm sorry is not very exerting and provides no physical work for the most part. I just recorded my cd collectin and am posting it on the music page. I might add some more cds that I never listen to anymore, but who can tell.
I am going to bad as I will more than likely have school tomorrow and am falling asleep now as it is. I will finish looking at some phantom icons and log off. namarie (apathetic)

Ashley cast a spell @12:13 AM
Friday, January 21, 2005 - EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!
And there was much rejoicing, as Mr. Threston would say. Thank God exams are over, I am so relived, happy, excited, and just yes, lol. No homework, thinking, or anything until Tuesday. I better go out Sunday night or I will go crazy. Overall, this week, or at least the exams themselves, didn't go too badly. French, w/e, it is impossible to do badly on a French test because she only takes off like 1 point for anything you get wrong. Wednesday was Pre-Calculus, pretty hard, some I had to guess and time was running low. I didn't do so well, might be my worst of the whole week. Then was Catholic Worship, piece of cake. I actually studied, and the test was straightforward and composed of questions mainly from past tests. Thursday was English, debatable. The objectice was okay except for the part on cycle 4 material: classicism, Jefferson, Franklin and Paine. The essay, I have no idea how I did. I'mm sure I rambled and most likely got it all wrong, as usual, so I probably didn't do very well on that. Today, first was Chemistry. It was a lot better than I thought it would be. People cried over the exam last year, I finished early and was able to check over my answers. I was worried mostly about today because they are two classes where I am on the verge of A,B and could really use a good grade, but also that, being at the end of the week I didn't have enough time to prepare for them and they were both my hardest exams, debatably. History after that was better than I thought it would be also. All of the objective was from the review sheet which he gave us. I could have easily aced it if I had had the time to go through all of the terms on the review sheet.
Keswick this weekend. I have to go pack, as it is now quarter of five and we are all meeting at 5:30 and I have not yet packed, lol. ttyl
P.S. We ordered a new computer, thank the Lord. I am so happy, I don't know what I'm going to do with a computer that I don't have to wait for or get angry at, lol. Now i have to work on moving all my files onto disk so I can transfer them, not an easy undertaking as they are innumerous and all over the hard drive. (energetic: I was going to say bouncy, but I figured that might be taken the wrong way)
Ashley cast a spell @4:41 PM
Monday, January 17, 2005 - It Finally Feels Like Winter
Let's just say it is a bit nippy outside. I had track at 3:30, though it only lasted an hour because of the extreme weather. It is cold outside, not really freezing, though it is actually below 32 degrees f. It is the wind which really gets to you, it just blows right through you as if your clothes weren't there. My face was numb, literally, I stopped feeling it after a while, so it actually didn't feel cold and then it just hurt. My feet died, as did my hands which could hardly hold the shotput. I actually didn't throw that bad today. On my first power, Todd said it was the best one I ever threw. I couldn't tell how far it went because the lines aren't very visiblle; overall I was pretty happy with practice though. I hate to say it, but it was kind of nice without Steph and Jordan there to show all the girls up.
I set up my webcam, I probably won't do any videos, I don't think the computer could handle it. I refuse to misuse the camera, as many or even most people on the web do. Warning, don't even bother asking me about it (unless it is a technical question), I think most people would know what I mean by that.
I am probably getting off now, after posting the Meet the Fockers review. I have to go study for midterms, or at least finish my chem homework.
Ashley cast a spell @6:58 PM
Saturday, January 15, 2005 - Sadness
I am not doing so well today. Or at least at the very moment. I am at mom's, a place I never like to be in any case. I am getting upset and unlike Dad's where I can go into my room and do whatever I want without a care to anyone noticing, here there is no where to go, no one to goto. I don't know why I'm getting upset, I just, I don't know. I guess its everything going on right now. Everything that usually makes me angry is just making me more upset. Things such as mom's computer being unbearably slow, so I cant do anything on it, including talking to my friends. Mom in general, whoc never ceases to piss me off. Alex, being the annoying youth that he is and just getting in the way, being so ignorant and just distant. Not seeing any of my friends this long weekend becasue of exams, especially Kate who always cheers me up and just helps me out more than she can know. Track, which I am completly sucking at (and the therefore lack of energy outlet such as an involved sport like crew or basketball or soccer). Track is more frustration than anything though, I just seem to be facing some unconqurable wall and no matter what I do I can't get any better. It annoyed me even more when Jordan came, never throwing a shotput before and beat out everyone but Steph, her and Steph now going to the meet. I'm not jealous or resentful, it just throws into sharper relief how much I suck. Maybe the whole thing with Brad is getting to me now at last also. I stil think I am at the very least starting to get over him, I dont think about him nearly as much as I used to. I guess maybe it just bruised my confidence. Not that I ever really in my mind thought he could like me or would even accept, the truth still hurts. Your heart is the one thing that unfortunatly your mind cannot control no matter how hard you try. That whole experience just tends to make me dwell on all the other bad (or lack of) experience such as it. I've never had a real boyfriend. Whittier, that was a relationship, but it didn't last long or go anywhere. I've never, with that minor exception, had any guys ever care for me or look at me in that way. And evern worse, I know none do, and I suppose I should just accept that fact, but it is harder than it seems. I dont know, that is the only assurance I have. Cotillion coming up only makes the aforementioned ten times worse. I have no date, though I am hoping that Brice will go with me, with any luck. If he has other plans, I will get desperate and ask Joe Regina. The whole thing just makes me dwell on the whole discussion I just had and makes me very melancholy. It doesn't make me very nice to be around, I am either snappy and without any patience or sad and silent, not talking to anyone. Mom, Alex, Pete and I are going to see Meet the Fockers not too much later on. Personally, I dont think it will be appropriate at all for Alex, not that he will get much of it. I am not personally in the mood for the movie either, it is a comedy and although some good laughs would probably help me, that movie doesn't look that great. I didn't think Meet the Parents was all that great, okay, but not worth mentioning. It was a comedy, but it almost acted and ended like a drama. I just don't think it worked all that well. My favorite part was the bomb on the airplane near the end. I really was psyched up to hopefully see Phantom of the Opera, unfortunatly its not even playing near here. I need a good drama/chick flick, something to cry my heart out to. Maybe I'll get off the coputer and do it to some Phantom music, which I have totally killed by playing over and over again since I have bought it. I really should be studying, but I simply don't have the heart for it. (morose)
Ashley cast a spell @10:03 PM
- Restabilizing
I have regained myself. Meet the Fockers exceeded my expectations, I will try to write a review for it to add to my movies page (which is at the moment devoid of any content). I was just reading over my journal entries, and thought that I don't sound nearly as bad as I percieve I do when I am writing. As I write, in my journal at least, I think God, what awful language and grammar I am using, it must sound so dull, boring, and repetitive. I suppose my blog doesn't sound quite that bad, lol. I wish people would comment on my tagboard, I feel so unloved, lol. I suppose I will have to learn how to use greymatter, a huge undertaking, so I can get comments and people will actually talk to me.
I just finished the second of the three books Kate gave me. They are interesting to say the least; they give me a great insight in to where Kate gets her mind from. Let us just say that they are sexually oriented. The plot does not revolve around that one matter, but they all have some descriptive, leave nothing to the imagination, scenes. A break from the usual deep, thinking novels or more properly entitled pieces of literature which constitute my leisure reading. I still have yet to finish the Iliad. Not out of disinterest, but the book is so long (killing the Odyssey which I also never finished) and just slow in its telling, prolonging each scene and development. I read it from May/June to September and only got 2/3 of the done. I'll return to it when my mind has a reprieve from all the thinking that is usually required from my school activities.
Mom and Pete left to get some coffee at about 1 o'clock, saying they'd be back really soon as they were both tired and couldn't stay out late. It is now nearly 4:30, I give up. I want to go to bed, but it isnt made and I wouldn't begin to try looking for any sheets. I can tell I am getting tired though, my eyes are getting heavy. Ciau.(recumbent)
Ashley cast a spell @4:26 AM

Friday, January 14, 2005 - Relief, it's all over
I finally asked Brad to cotillion, he has a date already, but instead of being sad or disappointed I am really happy and relieved. Now I can finally get over him and move on, thank gosh. As I am eating cheerios (rediscovered how good they are this past week), I was just talking to Brice, whom is my next move and Sarah. I was just starting to talk about Cotillion when he had to go. I will probably call him later, I am in no way afraid of asking Brice, we would just be going as friends. I was so nervous when I asked Brad, I really almost didn't do it because he was sitting with one of his friends in a "box" room in the library, but I knew it was now or never. I did it after standing outside of it for like 10 minutes pacing. I knocked on the door and could barely talk when I asked Brad if I could talk to him for a second. We actually had a conversatio because he was taking a test, I felt kind of bad but knew I had to do it. I am just so absolutly relived, it feels very nice.
Appetizer - If you could have a free subscription to any online service, which would you like to have?I dont know many online programs
Soup - Describe your bathroom (furnishings, colors, etc.). Usual contents, kind of pink/maroon generally, grey,white, and pink tiles. the lights on the mirror don't work very well and the only other light is the candle in the window.
Salad - What does the shape of a triangle make you think of?the food pyramid
Main Course - Name 3 things or activities that you consider to be luxuries.travel, sleeping, a latptop
Dessert - What was the last really great movie you watched? Phantom of the Opera, amazing, go see it
I havent been on the coputer in ages, I had nearly 60 emails, most of which were junk. Now it is time to move on, I am so happy, I finally can without any regrets, misgivings, secret longings. It is all over. I am slowly, but surely erasing all signs of my liking for Brad, I am washing the blood away. Good advice for people in my same, but not really, kind of situation *cough*Kate*cough*Ro*cough*. j/k. I am off to do misc stuff before signing off so I can go start studying, lol. au revoir (trying to update the layout, don't be scared, lol)
"Since You've Been Gone"-Kelly Clarkson
Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
(relieved)

Ashley cast a spell @5:27 AM
Friday, January 7, 2005 - Tired
I woke up late and missed the bus again today, was late to school and unfortunaly missed homeroom. I am so tired, going to bed right after I finish this. Brad, I just don't know. He is so shy it is hard to tell. He doesn't openly avoid and ignore me, but he doesn't give any obvious signs of support either. We made some eye contact, if you could call it that during Driver's Ed. We both sat at the back while everyone took the test because we were both absent (he was in Florida he said). We didn't really talk, I only asked him what we had to do and what chapters. I couldn't concentrate to save my life: between nervous fidgeting, reading the same sentences over 50 times and still not knowing what they say, and just laughing at myself. He only got as far as I did too. I didnt really notice him looking at me, though I only looked at him a couple of times since he was sitting right next to me. I don't know why I am attracted to him, I just am. I was amused one time, when I galnced over at him and we were both sitting in the same exact position, hands, legs, heads and all. Things I have previously mentioned are the only real signals, improperly named, I get. Sometimes it seems like he may be looking at me during the day, but that is it. I wish he could learn how to talk and just say Ashley, stop stalking me, I don't like you and never will or just say yea, I could maybe see something happening between us, or just I'd like to be friends. I even wish he would just talk at all. He has only ever spoken like 5 words at a time to me. Maybe I'll ask him about his vacation on Monday, see if that happens, doubt it will, good intentions pave the path to hell, as Mr. Marquart lectured today (love that class, doing Ben Franklin now).(exhausted)
Ashley cast a spell @11:20 AM
Thursday, January 6, 2005 - Calm (before the storm)
I don't know if there is a storm coming (of any sort, figurativly or literally), but it wouldn't surprise me should it happen. After taking the day off yesterday I returned to school, to my knees in makeup work. Guess who also returned today, Brad, yes. He came to homeroom late so I didn't talk to him. Maybe I will try tomorrow.
Appetizer - Have you been sick yet this winter? If so, what did you come down with? Still am kind of sick with a cold and stomach and throat and head problems.
Soup - What colors dominate your closet? blue (goes with my blue eyes) and red (mostly from and continuing from my previous travel soccer team whose color was red)
Salad - How would you describe your personal "comfort zone"? Um.. where no one is uncomfortable (making me uncomfortable) so usually in solitude, anywhere in my Dad's house
Main Course - On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant? Real World, I would have the opportunity to learn a lot and have a great experience (and some fun, let loose a little which I don't do too often,lol)
Dessert - Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite? Halloween, I enjoy the whole concept. I like dressing up as something else and going out with friends and all the festivities such as candy corn, carving pumpkins,etc.
I have fallen in love with the Phantom of the Opera music, it is amazing. I don't know what to do about Brad or cotillion. He mystifies me, more than I can describe in words, I can't begin to guess his mind. I could pretty much guess he doesn't like me, but you can't help having that small flicker of hope, no matter what happens, it is unquenchable until it extinguishes of its own will. I am working on a new layout for the site, I beleive the current one is just a bit outdated, and looking for a good winter desktop and some nice Phantom icons.(creative)
Ashley cast a spell @11:50 PM
Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - Sick Again
Yes, I wasn't feeling well, and there was no way I was getting all of my homework done last night, mainly my lab and english paper, so I stayed home today and mostly rested. Now I am hard to work however.
From what I have heard I haven't mised much at school: Brad hasn't been there either. Kate enjoys joking weare together or got each other sick, lol, it is fun to laught at.
later
I finished my paper and lab. I am pretty unusually confident about my paper. I don't think it sounds that bad, though it could be better. I need a date for cotillion, everyone is saying I should go with Brice, I was seriously considering that option, though I dont think I could ever ask him. farewell(bitchy)
Ashley cast a spell @1:08 AM
Monday, January 3, 2005 - Undescribable Anger
How can one day make such a difference. I stayed home today because I overslept my alarm (and not to mention I am still not feeling that great). I got a shower and some quality work done during the day while listening to Phantom of the Opera and I was pretty relaxed. Okay, throw that mood completly out the door. When Dan came home I felt bad becase I was kind of taking control of the family room and he wanted to watch the TV. Alex returned home in a foul mood as always. I got into a brawl with him, not unusual and he continues to bother me even now. Dad is still as sick and helpless as ever, which is getting really annoying and extremely inconvenient. Kate called with all her Rob woes, I listened, I feel horribly for her, she is in a bad state. Sarah keeps calling and I have to let her go because I have to work and everything else and I felt bad cuz I was screaming at Dad and she thought I was screaming at her and she got angry. I'd like to give her my notes I just have absolutly no time at all. That is the worst injustice or rather frustration point at this time.
I have not enough hours in the day to get everything done. I have to finish my Model UN paper, write and still organize my English paper, do a Chem lab all tomorrow. Dad can't do anything so I am forced to take on all the household chores. I also have track. I, myself need some chill/relax time or I will go crazy and I just can't work too much in a row or I get into a stupor and just can't think any longer. I think I might go out for a run tonight if things don't clear up because my nerves are just shot. I feel bad because I am venting everything at Dad and Alex who really don't deserve it but there is no one else and I don't mean to do it towards them even. That should be my realy New Year's Resolution: not to get so angry/frustrated and when I do to not let it show or come out in my actions and words. I really must go now and work. (bitchy and infuriated)
Ashley cast a spell @9:39 PM
Sunday, January 2, 2005 - Love Me, That's All I Ask of You
I have fallen in love with the Phantom of the Opera ever since I saw the movie yesterday with Kate. The music is spectacular, I even went as far as to go out and buy the soundtrack this morning before the track meet.I listened to it all of today, including two two-hour bus rides. As for the meet itself, I did alright. I threw 24', my best measured distance. Sarah threw some inches beyond me, but together we didn't throw well. Steph and Jordan got third, not too bad, though Steph could have thrown better.
New Year's Eve, fun times. Me and Kate went to the battleship New Jersey (with her parents). We were off walking, the two of us, when Kate's scarf flew away. It landed neat two really hott guys who returned it.I don't know how, but we got talking to them, for like an hour. Their names were Corey and Dan, they are freshmen in college, if you can believe it, at the University of Arizona. I connected more with Dan, who plays soccer and is a phsychology major (or at least will be). He was pretty tall, just under 6 feet I would say. He had dark, spiked hair and brown eyes. When midnight came, we paired off as it just seemed natural and kissed. It was very romantic and cute and just nice. A change from the everyday blur.
I have to go work and go to bed before 2 AM. But, before I go: In the cas that I do not get on tomorrow (which is highly possible) I would like to make everyone aware that it will be J.R.R. Tolkien's brithday, now go celebrate, lol. (nostalgic)
Ashley cast a spell @11:28 PM